٩(×̯×)۶ < I am desperate to go on diet

Like a lightening strike i decided to go on a diet..
I can not live in hiding from my past anymore.
I'm sad and have a low self-esteem because I am not as beautiful woman as I am before.
Whenever I look into the mirror, I see the shadow of an old woman, sad, and ugly ..
I'm so sad. This is not me, totally not me. I need help.
The biggest obstacle of my intention to get diet is my own self.
I cannot resist the temptation to eat. Damn!! Before, I can drop my weight from 80 kg to 45kg in just 4 months time.
But now I gain 5kg weight per week. Why I can't do it?? I go gym regularly, I even go to swim.. But I can't see any changes..

"NOW I'M SWEAR TO MYSELF..TO CUT DOWN THIS FAT, AND TRANSFORM MYSELF BACK TO HAPPY, LOVELY GIRL AS I AM BEFORE"